Just plain tired....

Oh Girls...(and boys),

I am exhausted...

I need some time to rest up to even be tired!

My world is spinning so fast...is yours? When do we get to stop and see the glorious colors that illuminate the sky in a sunrise? When do we simply sit and listen to the birds converse with one another? When do we look around and say - enough - and mean it?

Well I'm saying...enough...

I've been tired before - when I was in nursing school and staying up til all hours completing care plans and then being on the floor by 6:30 am....for a girl who likes her pillow, that was a bit of a stretch. Yep, I was tired then.

I've been worn out...a young mom with little girls and babies don't always sleep through the night right away - what's up with that?! And fevers never spike until the middle of the night...and throw up always seems to happen "on the way to the bathroom" in the dark...yep...worn out pretty much summed me up in those days.

I've been at the end of my rope...holding on for dear life as girls learned to play the piano, play the violin, play the flute, play the drums, play soccer, learned to drive, figured out curfews, and boys, and friends....yep, that rope was pretty frayed...

I've been beat...who knew grandkids could move so fast and require so much attention and need so many snacks and want to play so many games and laugh and make life so "grand"...but boy, (and there's three of them right now)...I've been beat...whew! I need to rest a minute just anticipating them coming next week.

But this time...I'm exhausted...and frankly...enough is enough!

Exhaustion comes in many forms...

•          lack of sleep....ah the joys of being an aging woman...my eyes are drooping, my vision is blurry, my pillow is calling, but my mind won't shut down!
•         creaking joints...the last thing I wanted the ortho to say was "arthritis" but he said it nonetheless and some days it just wears me out - you know, moving...
•         still having to plan meals - I mean seriously...doesn't it say somewhere that empty nesters don't have to plan meals? But if you don't, then what's for dinner? Anybody?
•         people needing me non-stop...all day, every day...I mean, who really thought cell phones was the way to go? You are ALWAYS on call!
•        a world that seems to spin at the speed of light now instead of the rotating slowly from morning til night...can somebody stop this so I can get off?

Are any of you with me? Too many people asking too much of you too much of the time? Can I please get a spa day...or week...or year? Am I simply talking to myself?


Jesus said...come unto me and I will give you rest....cast your cares on me, I care for you.

Oh those are words I need to hear...need to ponder...need to heed.

Just listening to the voice of Jesus renews me, calms my heart...

It's decided...I'm going slow things down...take a rest...at the feet of Jesus...

Care to join me?

Thinking out loud...

This isn’t how I thought I’d be spending these days….

 

It just never occurred to me that someday my girls would love a boy and leave to make a life with him that really doesn’t include me.

 

I didn’t stop to think that my girls would have babies and I wouldn’t be there for every minute, but the miles separate us and treasure the visits - them here, or me there.

 

I never stopped to think that I’d turn around and my own baby would be thousands of miles away on another continent living her dream. In my heart I knew her time with us would be short, but in my head, I never stopped to think how quickly the time would really pass.

 

I didn’t think these years without my daddy...without my father in law would pass by so fast...there is so much I wanted them to share with us...so much I still have to say.

 

 

I really didn't anticipate the struggles my mom would have, the cancer my sister would fight, the uncertainty of what tomorrow means for either of them.

 

 

I just really didn't think...

 

 

That’s been my trouble with life…I just live it without thinking most days, handling the loudest crisis, meeting the most urgent need. And then suddenly I stop and wonder where all the years have gone and what difference have I made?

 

 Those are the questions that make me stop and think.

 

I want to know my time here counted for something; that my beloved knows how much I truly love him and value his love and care for me; that my girls understand that most of the time I really did do the best that I could and all of the time I loved them and still do; that the men in their lives know I love them also – in part because my girls love them and in part because of what they bring to our family, but as each day passes, mostly because they are part of my heart now too.

 

I want to stop taking life for granted, to stop simply existing through each day without really living it.

 

 So the journey begins anew. And each new day I pray I am reminded of just how remarkable my life is – and what a blessing I have in my guy and each of my girls and those little boys in their lives.

Help me Lord to think – about You, about Your love and care, about Your sacrifice for me, about Your desire for my life. Help me make a difference in the life You have given me...in the places You have called me to.

And oh, what a difference that will make because the difference will come from You.