Thinking out loud...

This isn’t how I thought I’d be spending these days….

 

It just never occurred to me that someday my girls would love a boy and leave to make a life with him that really doesn’t include me.

 

I didn’t stop to think that my girls would have babies and I wouldn’t be there for every minute, but the miles separate us and treasure the visits - them here, or me there.

 

I never stopped to think that I’d turn around and my own baby would be thousands of miles away on another continent living her dream. In my heart I knew her time with us would be short, but in my head, I never stopped to think how quickly the time would really pass.

 

I didn’t think these years without my daddy...without my father in law would pass by so fast...there is so much I wanted them to share with us...so much I still have to say.

 

 

I really didn't anticipate the struggles my mom would have, the cancer my sister would fight, the uncertainty of what tomorrow means for either of them.

 

 

I just really didn't think...

 

 

That’s been my trouble with life…I just live it without thinking most days, handling the loudest crisis, meeting the most urgent need. And then suddenly I stop and wonder where all the years have gone and what difference have I made?

 

 Those are the questions that make me stop and think.

 

I want to know my time here counted for something; that my beloved knows how much I truly love him and value his love and care for me; that my girls understand that most of the time I really did do the best that I could and all of the time I loved them and still do; that the men in their lives know I love them also – in part because my girls love them and in part because of what they bring to our family, but as each day passes, mostly because they are part of my heart now too.

 

I want to stop taking life for granted, to stop simply existing through each day without really living it.

 

 So the journey begins anew. And each new day I pray I am reminded of just how remarkable my life is – and what a blessing I have in my guy and each of my girls and those little boys in their lives.

Help me Lord to think – about You, about Your love and care, about Your sacrifice for me, about Your desire for my life. Help me make a difference in the life You have given me...in the places You have called me to.

And oh, what a difference that will make because the difference will come from You.